Here is a quick How To on figuring out if you should take your under 10 year old child to a movie.
1. If the movie starts AFTER their typical bed time, don't bring them.
2. If the movie is rated PG-13 and they are half the size of a 13 year old, don't bring them.
3. If it is OPENING weekend of a Highly Anticipated Series Finale Movie, don't bring them.
Because if you do, I will do at least one if not all of the following.
1. Kick the back of their chair as hard as possible when they don't push the seat down and instead sit on the propped up edge, therefore blocking half the screen with their stupid head in STADIUM seating.
2. Sigh loudly as they constantly whine about being thirsty, hungry, bored, etc.
3. Ask very loudly, "Seriously" when your child starts stomping and running up and down the aisle during a pivotal moment of the movie.
4. Wonder aloud what kind of stupid people would bring a kid to a movie out past their bed time, loudly enough to make sure I'm heard.
5. Make sure all other patrons share my thoughts as many glares are sent your way.
6. Complain to the ushers and make sure you are removed so that I can enjoy the movie without brattiness.
Don't be those inconsiderate, stupid parents because I will call you on it.
(Oh, and for the record; this does not apply to kids movies, matinees, or very brief acting up.)
I'm almost sure I can make Going to the Movies Whenever I Please without inconveniencing other people, Reason #4 I'm not ready to have children.
1. If the movie starts AFTER their typical bed time, don't bring them.
2. If the movie is rated PG-13 and they are half the size of a 13 year old, don't bring them.
3. If it is OPENING weekend of a Highly Anticipated Series Finale Movie, don't bring them.
Because if you do, I will do at least one if not all of the following.
1. Kick the back of their chair as hard as possible when they don't push the seat down and instead sit on the propped up edge, therefore blocking half the screen with their stupid head in STADIUM seating.
2. Sigh loudly as they constantly whine about being thirsty, hungry, bored, etc.
3. Ask very loudly, "Seriously" when your child starts stomping and running up and down the aisle during a pivotal moment of the movie.
4. Wonder aloud what kind of stupid people would bring a kid to a movie out past their bed time, loudly enough to make sure I'm heard.
5. Make sure all other patrons share my thoughts as many glares are sent your way.
6. Complain to the ushers and make sure you are removed so that I can enjoy the movie without brattiness.
Don't be those inconsiderate, stupid parents because I will call you on it.
(Oh, and for the record; this does not apply to kids movies, matinees, or very brief acting up.)
I'm almost sure I can make Going to the Movies Whenever I Please without inconveniencing other people, Reason #4 I'm not ready to have children.
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