I Refuse To Be A Number

Posted on 8:06 PM In: , , , ,
211, 64, 33, 24, 26, 1987, 7, 145, 5, 105, 135, 16

All numbers that relate to me, all numbers that I let define me, define who I am. I refuse to be defined by a number. I am so much more then my weight, my age, how much I make, how tall I am. I am so much more than just a series of numbers that list random figures about me, but don’t speak to who I am.

I get so caught up in what I lose, what I gain, what I weight, how many points I ate, how I can’t run for five minutes. I let all these numbers just control me and it’s ridiculous. I’m a brilliant, kind, loving, caring, beautiful, talented individual and numbers don’t speak to any of that.

For so long, I was stuck on week 4 of C25K because there was no way that I could possibly jog for more than five minutes. There was no way I could possibly jog for eight, there’s just no way. So, I got rid of the numbers, I got rid of the structure, I removed the “I Can’t” and just focused on the “I Can”

Please, please, please, push me faster

I want to Fly

Please, please, please, push me higher

I’ve got to Fly

I can jog for a song and walk for a song. I can do just one more extra jog. I can jog two long songs in a row and hit ten minutes by barely trying and I can do it because I didn’t let numbers define me. It’s amazing what I could do when I forgot about the seconds counting down until I was done and instead focused on the music, my breathing and my posture.

C25K taught me some very important lessons. It initially taught me that I can jog for a minute at a time, 8 times a work out. It taught me how to breathe in through my nose and out through my mouth. But, it also held me back because I focused too much on “I can’t make it through five minutes”

What other areas of my life have I held back because of the numbers I feel define me, because my number is too high or low but never just right? I refuse to accept that. I refuse to limit my potential or who I am because my number might not be ideal for society, or someone else or even me. I want to be an extraordinary person, and I won’t be if I let numbers define me, if I let fear of not being the right person effect me. I’m so much more than just a number.

Feeling Great

Posted on 8:50 PM In: ,
So, this Monday was a far cry from last Monday. Last Monday I was so depressed/sad/anxious/a mess. I was in a funk and I had no reason to be in the funk, but that didn't help me get out of it.

Today was just a great day. I got a lot of sleep. Felt cute going into work. My hair looked great. I had an awesome breakfast and focused on work easily. My boss was back and we got to catch up, her on her great vacation and me on how she is never allowed to go on vacation again.

And then I took my lunch break. I went downstairs to the gym and I had the best treadmill workout I've had since I've started exercising. I burned over 320 calories, jogged for 17 minutes (a new record!) and felt great. I kept it up by avoiding the pizza my company ordered in and instead my amazing husband went and got me subway.

To top off the day, we had delicious taco salad for dinner and I had a bag of Pretzel M&M's, managing to both track and stay in the positive, points wise, for the day.

Have I mentioned my great mood? It's amazing what an energizing weekend can do for your week. Because, as much as I missed my husband while he was visiting my grandmother, I got to recharge. I spent a good deal of it with my bestie at a Juice Plus convetion, meeting some awesome people and learning some great information. And then Sunday, I wrote and HP marathoned.

I just hope this great mood/week continues on to tomorrow. Taco salad for lunch, YUM!

Is everyone else having a great week or day?

True Life: I Was Stalked Part 2

Posted on 8:16 PM In:
When I was younger, I was stalked online by an ex boyfriend. This is my story as best as I can write it, yet it feels so inadequate
The Story of “A”
Part 2: Breaking Up is Hard to Do

Over the course of our relationship we broke up twice. I can remember the first time we broke up. I felt underappreciated and like a second thought. It seemed he was more content to spend time with my father (making up time for his sucky one, I always assumed) or with his stupid frat (I still hold a grudge against fraternities).

I was tired of only getting any sort of attention when it was late and no one else was around. I was tired of being overlooked and then I found out that while he had no money to take me out, he had plenty for strippers… Even at 15 I knew that was a load of BS. So, I gave him a choice and he chose to break up with me and I don’t even think I cried, I simply coped. I was past it, whatever.

It went that way for a couple weeks. He was still coming “home” to our house on the weekends, so I kept to my room or stayed around my friends, avoiding any sort of drama. I can’t remember why we started dating again and the really funny thing is I can’t remember why we broke up but I do remember it was his decision. Again I didn’t cry (Did I really need anymore signs that this relationship wasn’t for me?)

The only reason I even know it was his idea to break up is because when my mother told me it was rude about dating another guy in front of him, I pointed out that “He broke up with me, what does he care?” She didn’t have much to say to that, so I started hanging out with a friend and her boyfriend because he had hot friends. Only to quickly learn how much he apparently cared.

True Life: I Was Stalked Part 1

Posted on 10:05 PM In:
When I was younger, I was stalked online by an ex boyfriend. This is my story as best as I can write it, yet it feels so inadequate

The Story of “A”

Part 1: Happier Times

So, I alluded before about a particularly horrible experience with a bad boy friend.

When I was fourteen, I joined a homeschool group for high-schoolers. It was a place to make friends, participate in classes and get the all around teenage experience. It was a Christian home school group that met in a church and offered various high school classes.

Looking back, I can tell you that I used to find “A” cute. I don’t anymore, and whether it’s because of the experience or because I now go for tall blonde hair blue eyed all American boys, I couldn’t tell you. But, I had that typical teenage girl crush for the entire school year.

I had assumed that after that year, I probably wouldn’t see him again, he was a senior and I was a freshman, after all. However, my sister and her friend became friends with him and his brother, to the point where, once summer rolled around we all hung out.

It was that summer when they moved into their sister’s trailer and we learned about their very troubling family life (abuse). My parents and our friend’s parents are the kind of people who give of themselves when someone is in trouble. I can’t quite remember how it came about, but “A” moved in with us and his brother moved into our friend’s house for the summer until they moved into the college dorms.

It was that summer, after I turned 15 that I experienced my first kiss, first date and first boyfriend. When you’re fifteen and happy to finally have a boyfriend, you ignore a lot of red flags. Like the fact that the words “I love you” were said way too quickly. But, I was young and stupid and finally happy to join the ranks of the “taken”. But I don't think there is anything I could have done to change what happened next.

PSA: Don't be Those Parent's

Posted on 9:57 PM In: ,
Here is a quick How To on figuring out if you should take your under 10 year old child to a movie.

1. If the movie starts AFTER their typical bed time, don't bring them.
2. If the movie is rated PG-13 and they are half the size of a 13 year old, don't bring them.
3. If it is OPENING weekend of a Highly Anticipated Series Finale Movie, don't bring them.

Because if you do, I will do at least one if not all of the following.

1. Kick the back of their chair as hard as possible when they don't push the seat down and instead sit on the propped up edge, therefore blocking half the screen with their stupid head in STADIUM seating.
2. Sigh loudly as they constantly whine about being thirsty, hungry, bored, etc.
3. Ask very loudly, "Seriously" when your child starts stomping and running up and down the aisle during a pivotal moment of the movie.
4. Wonder aloud what kind of stupid people would bring a kid to a movie out past their bed time, loudly enough to make sure I'm heard.
5. Make sure all other patrons share my thoughts as many glares are sent your way.
6. Complain to the ushers and make sure you are removed so that I can enjoy the movie without brattiness.

Don't be those inconsiderate, stupid parents because I will call you on it.

(Oh, and for the record; this does not apply to kids movies, matinees, or very brief acting up.)

I'm almost sure I can make Going to the Movies Whenever I Please without inconveniencing other people, Reason #4 I'm not ready to have children.

Harry Potter Makes You Hotter

Posted on 9:47 AM
1. I still don't have real internet at my house. I have a mifi which is actually a pain to use, hence the lack of updates, but that isn't what this blog is about. Fair warning, I'm about to geek out on you guys. You never expected it, I know.

As I'm sure, everyone in the world knows, the last Harry Potter movie came out this weekend. As someone who has loved the Harry Potter series for over a decade, this was actually a really big deal. Although I was at first resistant to go to the midnight showing, I finally agreed only for tickets to be sold out when we went to buy. I'm not going to lie, that was a little depressing. But, Joseph and I, on a spur of the moment idea, decided to go after dinner to the 10 o'clock showing.

Regardless of what was done or not done in the movie, it was still a great movie. The cast and crew did the last book justice and I teared up throughout various parts of the movie, whether happy, sad or proud of the characters on screen.

Since around the age of twelve, when I first read Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (I was resistant to this HP craze I had been hearing of and just read that one because it fell into my lap) I was hooked. While Harry Potter might only be a simple series, it is a series that I find can so completely draw me into this mythical world. No other books I've read has done such a great job of disconnecting my brain with reality.

Because of it, Harry Potter has helped get me through many of my most trying years. When my sister went through super troubling times, I disappeared into the world of Harry Potter. I read it, watched it, wrote it and practically breathed it in with everything I did. When my ex boyfriend stalked me for a year (that's a story for another time!) when I was fifteen, I sunk so low into the world of Harry Potter, I wasn't sure I wanted to ever face reality. When I started dating Joseph and we went to the midnight release of the last book, and he stayed up all night reading it (kicking me into another room because I read faster and reacted to too many of the books triumphs and disasters), perhaps that is when I knew he was "the one".

When I detested parts of my life so much that I turned my depression into words on a screen, using characters and places already created by JK Rowling, I learned that this hobby of writing was something I could actually do well. Albeit, Harry Potter fanfic, not the coolest thing. I actually met a rather cool friend through it and we still sporadically keep in touch. (What up Paige!)

I've read and reread the books so many times that I've had to buy new copies. There was a time where I had all the HP merchandise and even as an adult, parting with it was hard. I love the world of HP because, to me, it was an escape when I needed it. It was entertainment so I was never bored and it gave love to all the Ginger's in the world with a whole family of red headed characters that were amazing. I still mourn the loss of Fred, the funnier twin (And yes, I could tell)

So, yes, I'm a huge dork. I love Harry Potter; which taught me how to love a series so completely that it consumed me, how to write and take constructive critisism and how to not be afraid to be a big dork, because it is an endearing quality after all, and for helping me realize, I always love the fictional bad boy.

For the occassion: A One Shot http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7188490/1/Compassion

An Explanation for an Unexpected Haitus

Posted on 8:37 PM
So, I’ve been a bit MIA lately. I promise that not only do I have a really good reason for it, but that my reason will lead to having some new and interesting content on the blog.

My life has been consumed by packing, signing housing docs and Moving! I’ve had no internet and sadly my work blocks the blogspot dashboard, therefore leaving me with no way to update. So, although I’ve wanted to share pictures of my new beautiful house, I haven’t been able to, until now.

But, interesting new content, you ask while on the edge of your seat, barely able to contain your excitement, whatever could it be.

Well, I’ll tell you.

1. New house means painting, decorating and furniture needs to happen. How fun will it be to follow along on the new adventure of my house transforming from builder beige to a nice and warm home?

2. New house = big new kitchen and perhaps some new fun recipes and dinner ideas! When you are in a happy kitchen, happy recipes are created.

3. I signed up with my bestie (who really needs to update her blog) to be her partner in crime in selling Juice Plus. When I first heard she was selling it, I kind of thought it was a scam. But, I attended a wellness party and I was impressed by how it not has only effected her life, but how it has changed others lives. I like the simple claims they make about the product and what it could mean in my life. Basically, it is going to drive me to have more informative blogs on how to be an all around, healthier person. Because, you all know, my main goal right now is to be healthier in body, mind and spirit.

So, if you’ve stuck around through the short hiatus, then I’m glad to promise some new stuff coming soon. And, thanks for reading. Let me know if you have any decorating ideas, recipe ideas or questions about Juice Plus. I would love to hear your opinions.