Sporadically Sandra

So, over the holidays I was super lazy when it comes to exercise. I did some jumping jacks, and some squats but no real cardio, nothing challenging. Now that it is January, it's time to get back in the swing of things. I've picked Couch to 5k back up, unfortunately my two and a half month break has done a great deal of damage to my stamina.

I started back on week 3 and after working on that for a couple of weeks I was ready to move to week 4. Until... I started running. Four minutes and then six and then four of running, sure there is some walking in between but that is FOURTEEN minutes of running. HOLY COW. I am NOT fit enough for that much running.

So, I start the first four minute run and I am doing GREAT. Four minutes? Pft.. that's nothing. That's only one minute longer than the three minutes I was doing before. Oh, now it is time to walk. Wow, those two minute sort of flew, but it's telling me to run again...

The entire six minutes I play this ridiculous mind game with myself "Thirty more seconds and if you want to quit you can"... And then, I hit the point of having ONE MINUTE LEFT and I want to die. I'm suffering, it's bad.

But, I can do ANYTHING for a minute. It's what I learned in week 1, actually, (of the original program, not the one they renamed "Ease into") where you have to run one minute and walk for 90 seconds. I learned, hey, I can run for a whole minute. WTF how did that happen? Good job legs.

And amazingly, this applies to all parts of my life "Ugh, I don't want to empty the dishwasher." Stop being a brat, I can do anything for one minute. "Bleh, I don't want to get up and get something from the car." It won't take longer than a minute!

So, when I'm jogging and I'm exhausted, if I can make it to the last minute, well then, I got this because I can do ANYTHING for one minute.

And, so can YOU.

So, I've blogged my way to 100 posts. What have I learned?

1. I am so much more than a number
2. I love running although I never imagined I could excel at it
3. It's okay to not be passionate about your job, as long as you make time for what you are passionate about
4. Eating correctly fixes more than just your waistline
5. I am beautiful, inside and out

One of the biggest things I've overcome though, is being shy about my writing. I post each link to a new blog post on my facebook, forcing me outside of my own comfort shell. The compliments and kind words I've received from this have been amazing. Some people I hadn't spoken to in years have contacted me because something I've said mattered to them. I was so self conscious about my own writing, that I could have never imagined that someone could read what I wrote and take something away from it.

I've learned so much since I started to really blog. I've learned about myself, my feelings and how other people see me. I've learned that I do have something to say and people do care. I've learned that as hard as it can be, I really enjoy working to better myself and I hope that doesn't change any time soon.

So, here's to another 100 posts where I will wrap up my stalking series, cover a couple of fall crafts I've completed, and get to wax on about my love of the holidays.

I'm stealing this idea off of Megan's blog, who stole it from someone else. But, it is such a great idea and I'm excited about it. She plans to do it as a weekly challenge, I plan to update it as I feel like it.

I'm going to go ahead and start today with Ten Secrets

1. I learned I was a good writer because of fan fiction. Some how I started reading Degrassi: The Next Generation fan fiction and thought, "This sucks, I can do way better." But, I didn't actually start writing it until I got into Harry Potter fan fiction (Draco/Ginny all the way).

2. Although, I'm not always the best at losing weight and living healthy, I want to one day figure out how to help other people become healthier. I love how I feel when I'm eating right and exercising consistently and I know others could benefit from my first hand knowledge.

3. Even though I used to live alone in an apartment, I am terrified of spending the night alone. On the rare times when Joe is out of town, I will go to my mommy and daddy's house and slumber there. (Except when they all abandon me on the same weekend!)

4. I could watch Psych over and over again. I've seen all the episodes on Netflix, numerous times and watching another one right now. I think partially, it's because Spencer reminds me of my husband and also because the show is funny, no matter how many times you watch it.

5. I'm ridiculously bad at making friends. I'm scared of putting myself out there to people and being let down, but once I make really good friends with someone, they typically stay that way.

6. I always have a story plot in the back of my mind, whether it is something I'm working on or something I have yet to work on. Because so many different plots circle around, I often have a hard time finishing a story because I get excited about the next.

7. I have two birthmarks, neither of which people typically see. One is on my butt, which leads people to think I've sat in something when in a bathing suit (which is why know I only wear skirt or short bottoms) and other is in my eye. It makes me wonder if people are bad at making eye contact or just oblivious.

8. One of my favorite compliments of all time was that I was so good at dancing I could be a black girl. I thought the delivery was funny because it was a black guy who told me and he started it with "Don't be offended." It would be pretty rude of me to be offended by that. I took it as the awesome compliment that it was.

9. If I were at a healthy weight, I would be trying to have a baby right now. But, I want to truly live a healthier life before bringing a child into this world because I want my future kids to grow up with a healthy view of food.

10. I have a twitter. I finally caved. My nearest and dearest know my feelings on twitter which makes that even harder to admit. You can follow me @sbragg87. Although, I have 0 tweets, nor do I know how to use it. Twitter 101, anyone?

Motivation, what motivation? This girl has no motivation. It's much easier to believe that working out really hard will take care of all my bad eating habits. I'm 80% good, but when trying to lose weight, that isn't good enough. I've lost my motivation. Flat out have none.


How do people get their motivation back? I really want to run the Disney Princess Half, but not by myself. I'm trying to talk my boss into doing it because her sister wants her to do it too. Then, I would have to train for something AND I would have to work at losing weight because who wants to carry all that weight around.


I just wish I could get some freaking motivation back. I did so flipping great when I started it and now, slacking hard. I just need to focus on all the reasons I want and need to lose weight and the fact that I don't want to look back in regret because I've been slacking.

211, 64, 33, 24, 26, 1987, 7, 145, 5, 105, 135, 16

All numbers that relate to me, all numbers that I let define me, define who I am. I refuse to be defined by a number. I am so much more then my weight, my age, how much I make, how tall I am. I am so much more than just a series of numbers that list random figures about me, but don’t speak to who I am.

I get so caught up in what I lose, what I gain, what I weight, how many points I ate, how I can’t run for five minutes. I let all these numbers just control me and it’s ridiculous. I’m a brilliant, kind, loving, caring, beautiful, talented individual and numbers don’t speak to any of that.

For so long, I was stuck on week 4 of C25K because there was no way that I could possibly jog for more than five minutes. There was no way I could possibly jog for eight, there’s just no way. So, I got rid of the numbers, I got rid of the structure, I removed the “I Can’t” and just focused on the “I Can”

Please, please, please, push me faster


I want to Fly


Please, please, please, push me higher


I’ve got to Fly

I can jog for a song and walk for a song. I can do just one more extra jog. I can jog two long songs in a row and hit ten minutes by barely trying and I can do it because I didn’t let numbers define me. It’s amazing what I could do when I forgot about the seconds counting down until I was done and instead focused on the music, my breathing and my posture.

C25K taught me some very important lessons. It initially taught me that I can jog for a minute at a time, 8 times a work out. It taught me how to breathe in through my nose and out through my mouth. But, it also held me back because I focused too much on “I can’t make it through five minutes”

What other areas of my life have I held back because of the numbers I feel define me, because my number is too high or low but never just right? I refuse to accept that. I refuse to limit my potential or who I am because my number might not be ideal for society, or someone else or even me. I want to be an extraordinary person, and I won’t be if I let numbers define me, if I let fear of not being the right person effect me. I’m so much more than just a number.

So, this Monday was a far cry from last Monday. Last Monday I was so depressed/sad/anxious/a mess. I was in a funk and I had no reason to be in the funk, but that didn't help me get out of it.

Today was just a great day. I got a lot of sleep. Felt cute going into work. My hair looked great. I had an awesome breakfast and focused on work easily. My boss was back and we got to catch up, her on her great vacation and me on how she is never allowed to go on vacation again.

And then I took my lunch break. I went downstairs to the gym and I had the best treadmill workout I've had since I've started exercising. I burned over 320 calories, jogged for 17 minutes (a new record!) and felt great. I kept it up by avoiding the pizza my company ordered in and instead my amazing husband went and got me subway.

To top off the day, we had delicious taco salad for dinner and I had a bag of Pretzel M&M's, managing to both track and stay in the positive, points wise, for the day.

Have I mentioned my great mood? It's amazing what an energizing weekend can do for your week. Because, as much as I missed my husband while he was visiting my grandmother, I got to recharge. I spent a good deal of it with my bestie at a Juice Plus convetion, meeting some awesome people and learning some great information. And then Sunday, I wrote and HP marathoned.

I just hope this great mood/week continues on to tomorrow. Taco salad for lunch, YUM!

Is everyone else having a great week or day?

I know you see somehow the world will change for me


And be so wonderful
Live life, breathe air I know somehow we're gonna get there
And feel so wonderful


I will make you change your mind
These things happen all the time
And It's all real
I'm telling you just how I feel


So, wake-up the members of my nation
It's your time to be
There's no chance unless you take one
Take the time to see the brighter side of every situation


Some things are meant to be
So give your best and leave the rest to me
(Lyrics from iCarly theme show. I don't care who you are, that show is funny)

I remember graduating high school and knowing that I wanted to go to school for psychology. Then I changed it to marketing. Then to Business Administration. Then I decided I couldn't stand going into student loan debt when I couldn't even figure out what I wanted to be when I grew up.

It has taken me a long time to realize that I don't have to be passionate about my career. I don't want to be defined by my job. I don't want to be a high powered exec, I don't want to be a Dr or an academic. I just want to be able to follow my passions.

I work so that I can afford to have an enjoyable life. I enjoy it well enough, some days I love it, some days I hate it, but it always ends after I put in my eight hours. I have a great boss and great co-workers and get to deal with some amazing people, but at the end of the day it is only a job. It is not what I'm passionate about.

It's only been in the past few months-year that I've really come to understand that I don't have to adore my job, I don't have to be passionate about it, because what I am passionate about, I can explore on my own time.

I love writing.

I love writing this blog. When I'm stressed about losing weight, I bring it here. When I'm so excited that I can barely contain myself, I get to share it. When I am inspired, I can try to inspire others. It helps me hold myself accountable in the things I want to achieve whether it has to do with eating right, exercising or being a better person.

I love writing original stories. I don't share a lot of how much or what I write because I am so self conscious of it, but I love it. I can sit for hours, putting to paper (or Microsoft Word) the story playing in my head. I'm almost never bored because I am always thinking of what is going to happen next. It's hard work to put what's in my head in words but when it is *just right* it can be so rewarding.

So, I might not be passionate about my work, but I work hard so that I can be passionate about my writing. I refuse to *need* to find immense satisfaction in my job to find satisfaction in my life. I have yet to figure out what I really want to do that could earn me enough money so that I could pay my day to day bills but I've figured out what I really want to do to simply make me happy and that is enough.

Life isn't always about following your passions, most of the time it is about fulfilling the status quo, but it should always involve having enough time to follow your passions.

Oh my morning's coming back
The whole world’s waking up
All the city buses swimming past
I’m happy just because
I found out I am really no one
(Lyric from At The Bottom of Everything by Bright Eyes)


Sometimes losing weight is really easy, but most of the time it is just plain hard. To constantly have to worry about what I eat, whether I can "treat" myself today, anxiety on whether I'm going to lose even though I've been perfect. It's like constant stress about something that I'm supposed to be able to control but if it were that easy, I would be thin.

These past few weeks have been Baaaaad. I've been a total Weight Watcher failure. I've lost my motiviation and my will power. It is so much easier to just say "Okay, sure I'll have that milkshake!" "Peanut Butter Cups are my best friend" "Fried food is okay if you eat it on lettuce, right?"

Additionally, exercise has flown out the window. I need to run again. I need to have a date with Georges St. Pierre again.

I know, I need to stop being ridiculous.
I just need to remember that I need to stop wasting my life being uncomfortable in my own skin. Because as much as that milkshake *may* taste better then skinny feels, nothing feels better then truly being happy with who I am. I need to get my head back in the game.

Hopefully confessing my super sucktasticness will help hold me accountable to eat healthier starting my next meal. Because I know that when I eat right, a couple of things go right:
1, I feel better
2. My skin looks better
3. I have more confidence
4. I have better energy
5. I'm all around happier

So, help hold me accountable. Just give me *the look* if you see me eating something crazy. Especially if it looks like something that could be on thisiswhyyourefat.com.

"Being happy doesn't always mean that everything is perfect. It means you've decided to look beyond the imperfections."

A person's day to day happiness is 100% something that can be controlled. I've met homeless people with an awesome outlook on life because they don't let their situation get them down. On the opposite end of the spectrum, I've seen someone that has it "all" but be so consumed by what makes them less then perfect that they get no enjoyment out of life.

Every day, when I roll out of bed, I have a decision to make "Is this going to be a great day?" And, 9 days out of 10, it is a great day because my perspective makes it that way. Instead of seeing everything negative in my life, I choose to see all the ways I've been blessed.

Perhaps the best thing that ever happened to me was being told "You're really negative" Because at first, it really annoyed me and then I realized that if I didn't want to be that negative person, only I could change it. Denying my negativity wouldn't change anything, only accepting it and wanting to be a more positive person would help me change.

My perspective today was that I was going to have a great and healthy date. I made myself look forward to my work out. I couldn't wait to enjoy my food. I had the report from hell to do, but hey it made my day fly by. Why get bogged down by the fact that the report was never ending? Why let the thought of posting 69 payments in less than an hour stress me out? Why get so bent out of shape out of things that don't matter in the long run?

And tomorrow... I cannot wait to get some sort of run in. This girl is super excited to get super sweaty and gross, enjoy a new breakfast and drink lots of water. I can't wait to update the most tedious spreadsheet because it means I have a job. I can't wait to get some sleep tonight and curl up in my bed, next to my husband and snuggle him.

None of these are big amazing things, but I can't wait to enjoy them. So, what in your life have you overlooked as amazing?

The past few weeks of eating have been nothing short of scandalous and atrocious. Although my weight has continued on a downward spiral, it has been more to do with activity then it does my food choices. Freaking Easter candy got to me. (But I have a plan for that, which will be enacted tomorrow)

But, today I told Joseph "I'm ready to get back to counting points." I think this happens to most people who do Weight Watchers. For a few weeks/months/whatever, you have total and complete focus and then for a week or two (sometimes months, but hopefully not!) you just need to stop caring. That has been me to a "T"

I've written out my menu plan, including snacks and have the corresponding grocery list to go with it. Additionally, I cleaned out my fridge tonight. I mean, this has been a chore I have been avoiding for weeks. You know how it is, it slowly starts geting worse and worse until you realize you have reached one of two poitns: 1. Clean it out or 2. Quickly open door, grab or put away what you need and close the door without actually looking in it.

So, tonight, everything came out of the fridge. A good deal of it was thrown away, expired or gone bad, the shelves were sprayed and wiped down and I refilled the fridge with what was left. It is sad how bare our fridge is, but at the same time, it is going to be really nice to fill it up with delicious and healthy food tomorrow after we go grocery shopping.

We threw out the old, to make way for the healthy. There is something therapuetic and nice about having a clean fridge full of foods that you *know* will make your body better. I'm also ridiculously excited about the meal plan. Mom and I invested in e-mealz (Jasmine, I'm sending you a sample menu plan and more info because I think you might be interested) and it really does lower my grocery bill and make it very easy to menu plan. Additionally, although I enjoy their Publix for 2 people and they don't necessarily make it low fat, they do include a fruit or vegetable (most of the time both) with each meal and it isn't too hard to make it a healthier meal.

This week we are enjoying:
Tacos with caramalized/fried bananas
Chicken Enchilada Casserole w/ a side salad
Mozzarella Stuffed Flank Steak w/ Mashed potatoes and a side salad
Loaded Baked Potatoes w/ Roasted Asparagus & salad
*Side notes: they did not list side salad for all their meals, but I changed it to something easier for us They also include another meal but we normally only need 4 meals during the week since we eat at my mom's once a week. Also this is the Publix for 2, but it actually makes 4 servings which means we have leftovers for lunch the next day*

As much as I've always loved going to sleep, I've always loved waking up in the morning of a good nights rest. I was never the kind of girl who could sleep in, which made slumber parties a special form of torture. Perhaps that is where my love of reading really came from. You can wake up and read quietly until others wake up, which is more fun then just laying their bored.

But, being awake in the morning, by myself, is now a special treat. It doesn't happen so much with Joe and more because we usually get up at the same time which I'm fine with. I think it makes my private vacation mornings all the more special. I've spent the last hour or so, on the balcony, wrapped in a blanket and sitting on a lounge chair, reading a book and enjoying the sound of the waves. The sun is slowly making its way around the building and a strip of me is bathed in light. Slowly more and more people are venturing to the beach.

At first it was only the hardcore runners, which slowly turned to couples walking and enjoying the morning breeze. Now, people are lugging their beach bags and umbrellas, setting up their chairs and applying their sunscreen. Preparing for a relaxed day where the water kisses their toes and the sun warms their face.

I get in my own head when I'm alone in the morning. There is nothing to interrupt my thoughts or pull me from myself. I sit in my thoughts and I bathe in them, roll them around in my brain and just enjoy them. With everything there is to interrupt a train of thought; tv, computers, radio, people; it is truly nice to be lost in my own head. Most of the time I'm thinking of the next thing I'm going to write, or that scene that just won't happen correctly, but sometimes I reflect on my life and what is happening in it. The things I never expected to happen, the words I never expected to hear or the ways in which changing myself effects other people, for the good or the bad.

Reading in the morning takes on a whole new speed. Instead of rushing to finish the next page/chapter/book before I run out of time; I savor the words and take a minute to think of the words so carefully typed on the page. I can take twenty minutes to finish two pages because I stop so much to just mull over the book, the people, the ideas.

And then, when I've done enough thinking... I've mulled over enough ideas.... I've lived in my head long enough. I have to write. I have to get something out. I have to put pen to paper (or fingers to keys) and I have to put all my thoughts into words because if it doesn't come out I might just burst.

It's still quiet in the condo. Kids/babies/adults are all still asleep and a part of me wonders how anyone could sleep away the morning. The concept had eluded me as a child and it still constantly eludes me as an adult. But, good for them sleeping, because otherwise, I couldn't quietly commune with the beach.

So at the beginning of March I made some goals. Let's review them, shall we?
Enjoy my Anniversary! - Easiest Goal ever. See previous Anniversary post to see how much fun we had on that!


Hike a Local Park - Never did this. Between injuring myself, rainy weekends and not having time, it never happened. *But* I did tour Turner Field, which I feel should almost count.

Continue with C25K - Back to the darn injury. That threw a 2 week wrench in my plan, on top of that the gym at work has been closed. I have been walking with coworkers and this past week was my first week back on running and considering th rain forcasted for this week, I probably won't get to run this week, much.

Move on to Level 2 of 30 Day Shred - Although I did this with semi regularity, let me remind you of the darn injury. Seriously, stupid hip! But I also bought Jillian's Yoga Dvd and switched the two out. Still on level 1 but not giving up.

Workout 16 out of 31 Days - Even with the hip injury I'm pretty freaking sure I completed this goal. I've learned to actually *enjoy* working out so I do make sure to do it at least 4 out of the 7 days of the week and most weeks at least 5 days.

Attend Church at Least 2 of the 4 Sundays in March - Done. We didn't go today and that makes me sad, but once we are back from the beach, Church is on the To Do List

Make the Bed Every Morning - This was such a failure, not even funny.

But, I have some goals for this week I want/need to accomplish:

30 Day Shred - I want to complete this on Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday for sure. Friday might be difficult since it will be super busy with depositing my dog at my mom's, packing up the car for the trip and getting my nails done, but if time permits, I'm pretty sure I can talk the sis in law into doing it with me.

Laundry - it certainly is one of those things that is never done. BUT, I need to get it under control. I need to make sure everything gets folded/hung in a timely manner and keep the dirty laundry to no more than 1 dirty load at a time.

Pack for my trip - The list of things I need to pack for this trip is ridiculously long. Since we are staying in a condo for the week, not only do I have clothes to pack, but both kitchen supplies and cooking ingredients. I'm also one of those people who simply cannot pack light. I have a packing list (considering how messy I can be, I'm very list oriented) and I just need to make sure to follow it and add stuff as it occurs to me.

Stay OP- Ever since my anniversary, I've had the hardest time not going over points. It doesn't help that I haven't done a lot of cooking, Joseph has. But, I've discovered that for me to be successful, I have to be involved in cooking. This week we are having Turkey Burgers, Scilian Rice Ball Casserole and Chicken Taco Chili. Super yummy foods that will make it easy to stay OP.

When you workout in a gym, on a treadmill, there are no worries that you will go so far that won't make it back to the start. When that gym is taken away from you and you have to go into the real world to work out, there is no guarantee.

Joseph today wanted to walk from work to Walmart and back again. That is 1 1/2 miles *one* way, 3 total. I told him I would only walk for peanut butter cups but in reality I was wondering what I was going to do if I couldn't make it. I mean, since working on being fit and getting healthy, the farthest I have gone is 2 miles. I know without a doubt that 20 pounds and two months of not working out ago, I probably wouldn't have done it, and especially not how well I did it. There were some hills, changes in terrain and a mixture of super cold wind and hot sun. Not only did I walk all 3 miles, and get my peanut butter cups, but I did it like it was nothing.

I wouldn't have known I could do that until I got rid of the safety net. Slowly and surely, I'm having to remove these safety nets I've placed around myself to keep stuff from being too hard, too challenging or too intimidating.

I went and Zumba'd with my best friend Sarah on Monday night. It was a huge group class with women of all shapes, sizes and skill levels. Normally I would be so concerned with how I look to everyone else to have fun; but that wasn't the case. I just worried about having fun and getting my burn on and I did have fun. I removed the safety net of worrying what other people thought of me and had a great experience.

At the end of May, I'm removing a huge safety net. I like to call it my "Crazy" safety net. Because it is what keeps me from doing stupid crazy stuff. Well, end of May, I'm participating in the Warrior Dash. That is a 5K (3.1 miles) with obstacles, including: running through fire, climing a cargo net, running through tires and wading through water. There are parts of this race that really worry me. Am I strong enough? Will I fall face first into the fire? Will I fall and die at the cargo net? But, I'm removing the safety net because it will only make me a better, well rounded person and I will be so amazed with myself when I finish it.

It helps that my sis-in-law has promised to stay by my side.