Love & Hate

Posted on 6:32 PM In:

It’s no secret that I’ve only dated two guys in my life. Additionally, my experiences with them were so vast and different that I came away with two separate lessons from each.

When I broke up with A and I went through what I went through, he did a really thorough job of teaching me everything I needed to know about hate.

Hate is this all encompassing feeling that brings a person down.

It has the power to control your mood, to ruin your days.

It’s like the dark storm cloud the covers the sun.

It keeps you miserable and it gives far too much power to the person you feel hate towards.

Hate also makes you feel righteous and strong, but it’s not real. It gives you the belief that it’s okay to feel this way because you were wronged because that makes it easier for it to feed on your soul.

Love is something different all together and Joe taught me everything I needed to know.

Love is all encompassing and it lifts you up.

It brightens your world and your view.

Love pushes you to be more of a person then you thought you could be.

It caresses, it holds, it comforts.

Love doesn’t tear down, it doesn’t break you, it doesn’t take delight in your miseries.

It’s liberating.

Love is forgiving those who wrong you. Its wanting the best for someone. Its showing kindness to a stranger. Love is empathetic, love is sympathetic.

Love makes you invincible, it takes away your fear, it gives you the power you need to overcome.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
            1 Corinthian 13:4-7,13

Buffalo Chicken Cupcakes

Posted on 7:35 PM In:
Inspired by the love of all thing cupcakes (hello easy serving size) and my love of fatty buffalo wings, I wanted to come up with a nice swap for football Sunday! These did not just pass my taste test, but my husband's, sister in law's and brother in law's.

24 Won Ton Wrappers
Hot Sauce to taste
Ranch to taste
3/4 lb shredded chicken
3 Garlic & Herb Laughing Cow Cheese Wedges
3/4 cup Shredded Cheddar Cheese

Pre-heat oven to 375.

Mix ranch and hot sauce with chicken until satisfied with creamy/hot taste.

Spray a 12 cup Muffin tin with non-stick cooking spray. Press a won ton wrapper into each cup. Divide 1.5 laughing cow wedges among the cups and top with half the shredded chicken.
Add another won ton wrapper in each cup, pressing down firmly. Add a dab of ranch and the remainder of the laughing cow cheese and shredded chicken. Top with cheddar cheese.

Bake for 15 minutes or until cheese is melted and won ton wrappers are browned.

True Life: I Was Stalked Part Six

Posted on 7:14 PM In:

Part 6: The Conclusion/The End

This effected my life in so many ways. It screwed up my view of men and relationships. I didn't date again until I was 18 and even then it was a huge and scary step for me. It screwed up friendships. It screwed me up. It still screws me up at times. I can't stand his name, the school he went to or the fraternity he was a part of because it all puts me back at that time.

But, I learned so much and I truly believe this helped me become a better person. Even though I won't ever forget, I learned to forgive him. I pray that one day he realizes how much what he did really hurt and violated me, but I know I'm not his only victim and I know he hasn't learned.

I, however, learned a lot. I learned that I am a strong person. I'm compassionate. I'm a forgiver. I learned how I channel pain which taught me that I can actually write creatively (which might be my favorite part of all)

What's amazing though, is how much I learned while writing this. Writing out everything was so therapeutic. For the first time, Joseph learned everything I had gone through. Putting myself out there that much, sharing one of the most painful parts of my life, was scary but it was amazing. I know that I got a couple of comments about how it may not nice to put this or that out there, but none of this was meant to be a personal attack on anyone, whether it be A or a bad friend or anyone else, it was simply to write my story- to get it out there.

What I went through sucked and it was traumatizing. But, it doesn't define who I am, or my attitude towards people. I'm a better person because of what I've been through.

True Life: I Was Stalked Part 5

Posted on 5:08 PM In: , ,

Part 5: I Thought We Were Friends

I wish I could say that my friends all had my back during that time. I wish I could say they even pretended to have my back. But, that was a pivotal time when I learned who were really my friends and who were not. I don't hold grudges against those friends that I think severely dropped the ball, but at that same time, there is never any fixing a betrayal that runs so deep.

The same day that I basically broke down at work and insisted they get him out of my house, was the same day one of my best “friends” lectured me about what an awful person I was for getting him kicked out of my house. Turns out they had a date coming up and because we were "friends" I should support her. Among lecturing me about how I was a horrible person, she also pointed out that "friendship is a double edged sword" and we should support one another. She was too wrapped up in herself to see that dating the guy who had been tormenting me for months, almost a year, was not support.

I had another “friend” completely stab me in the back over him for a free trip to FL. He was going to visit his sister, and she wanted to go get a tan. That one I guess I should have seen coming, but I didn’t. This was a valuable lesson in friendship and I learned that I won’t miss friends who could care so little about my hurt.

But, I also had two amazing friends, my sister and Sarah. My sister, Elizabeth, like I mentioned previously, was going through her own stuff. And I’m not going to lie, she had every right to be wrapped up in herself and what she was going through. She missed a lot of what was going on, but she stood by me. She didn’t stay partially friends with him. In fact, she told me to tell her if he ever messed with me again because she would handle it.

And Sarah, well she just stood by me, no questions asked, no doubts that I was telling the truth or that I was hurting or that what he did affected me. Never once did I have to wonder about her loyalty to me or our friendship. She was and still is one of my favorite people I’ve had the pleasure to know, it’s why we are besties.

Happy 100th Post

Posted on 7:50 PM In: , ,
So, I've blogged my way to 100 posts. What have I learned?

1. I am so much more than a number
2. I love running although I never imagined I could excel at it
3. It's okay to not be passionate about your job, as long as you make time for what you are passionate about
4. Eating correctly fixes more than just your waistline
5. I am beautiful, inside and out

One of the biggest things I've overcome though, is being shy about my writing. I post each link to a new blog post on my facebook, forcing me outside of my own comfort shell. The compliments and kind words I've received from this have been amazing. Some people I hadn't spoken to in years have contacted me because something I've said mattered to them. I was so self conscious about my own writing, that I could have never imagined that someone could read what I wrote and take something away from it.

I've learned so much since I started to really blog. I've learned about myself, my feelings and how other people see me. I've learned that I do have something to say and people do care. I've learned that as hard as it can be, I really enjoy working to better myself and I hope that doesn't change any time soon.

So, here's to another 100 posts where I will wrap up my stalking series, cover a couple of fall crafts I've completed, and get to wax on about my love of the holidays.

10 Days of You Challenge - 8 Fears

Posted on 7:16 PM In:
1. Losing someone I'm close too - I think this one is pretty self explanatory. My worst fear is losing someone I'm close too without warning or before I'm ready. However, it's a part of life and I know I can't avoid it always.

2. Spiders - 8 legged little devils

3. Flying - like in a plane. If I could flap my arms and fly, I'd be okay with that

4. Tornadoes - I've never been in one but the thought scares the bejeesus out of me. You better believe when those warning sirens go off, my stomach drops.

5. Looking foolish in front of people - I have this tendency to replay "embarrassing" moments in my head on a constant torment wheel of memories, things no one else would even remember. It can be almost paralyzing, but I'm working on it.

6. Growing Old without Purpose- I don't ever want to look back on my life and feel I've wasted it. I work hard to grow and become a better person. I want to touch people's lives. I want to enjoy my life. I want to live a fulfilled life.

7. Losing my Engagement/Wedding Band (Other valuable jewelry) - There was one day recently where I went to get my rings out of the jewelry box and they weren't there. I instantly went into panic mode as I tried to figure out where they would be. Turns out, Joe had put them on the keyring to remember to bring them to me the day before because I had forgotten to wear them. He is sweet, even if it is his fault it scared the crap out of me.

8. Being alone at night - I'm a big girl, so I don't like the fear control me. But, man oh man, I don't dig being home alone at night. You better believe that every thing that goes bump in the night is an intruder trying to kill me and I can visualize it, oh so well.

September Goals

Posted on 9:25 AM In:
I'm a bit late on these, but the start of September was hectic and then I just got lazy.

1. Run/Walk/Jog 20 miles - I completed this in August so I would like to try and accomplish it again in September. As a sort of side goal, I would also like to dedicate at least two running days to going 3.1 miles (aka a 5K)

2. Finish reading my self-improvement book - I figure I should be able to at least FINISH the book this month since it has already been started.

3. Figure out a solid strength training routine for me. I've got Cardio down pat, but when it comes to weights and strength, I don't have a clue. I'm going to enlist Joseph's help for this and I'm going to try to implement it a couple of days a week.

That's it, three goals. I know I'll be able to accomplish them as long as I don't forget about them or get distracted.